Cat Eyes and Lippy

A place for my girl thoughts and poetry

Poetry about the sun

I used to grow away from sunlight
Like the warmth would hurt
My sallow bones
Like those purest beams of gold
Would scorch my open soul
I used to hide away from warmth
Like darkness was a cloak
Against the wear and tear
Of being spoon fed gold
I used to shun myself from brightness
Like cold corners were enough
Under bed sheets not my own
I would close my eyes
Deep in stolen lust
I would shield…

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A Sunrise

You love me today
But can not guarantee
Tomorrow
Maybe because the days
Rise in black
And end in the same darkness
Maybe because you are no
Predictor or keeper
Of time
Because I am not
Clear as glass
Or hollow of tangles
Because hands are not
Puzzle pieces
They weather and change
With time
You cannot predict tomorrow
Like the weather
Or the promise everyday
Of sunrise
You cannot be blamed
For not…

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Pain Relief

I think about you all of the time
And that is not poetry
You are not poetry
You are impossible
To put into words
Over and over
I cannot believe how often
You are in my head
You infiltrate my mind
Like you were first to have it
And what I don’t quite get
Is the way you slip right past
The dark feelings and woe
You are my pain reliever

Stars

My hands kept reaching
And grasping all the wrong things
I held shards of glass to my chest
Like teddy bears
And you were the only one
To ever tell me
That those shiny things
Weren’t stars
And replace them
With what really were
Instead of just
Letting me know

Time

I know I am old because I have to scroll when adding my year of birth to my personal information online. I know I’m young because I still live with my parents. I am on the cusp of adulthood with a slippery grasp on what that even means.

When I woke up this morning it was mid day my father woke up at 10pm yesterday to work the night shift. His eyelids drooped with the weight of responsibility, his shoulders followed suit. I do not know when his childhood ended but I know he has no grip on what that really means anymore.

I am of age but I still do not know how to drive. I’ve been pushed and prodded but my heals dig heavy in the ground. I do not wish to meet this milestone for fear of collision yet I deathly afraid of falling behind.

I am told time and time again I am not a child nor am I an adult nor wise enough to be an elder or old enough to be a menace on society. I am uncomfortably in between.

I fell in love with you again tonight
Like every night
But it still amazes me
That every night I fall in love
Again and again and again

I gave up today

I am so in love but losing myself to a battle within my own head. I am terrified of living and not living and staying in bed. I am in disbelief of how much passion I can have on some days when other days are engulfed by such frightening carelessness. I am lying in bed in my own body heat having given up. I am waiting to be rescued but not sure if I deserve it today.

Heavy

Today I woke up heavy
With long sagging cheeks
And long sagging lips
At the corners mostly
And my mood sunk like
A block of ice
Down down down
To the tips of my toes
And filled me up
With melted cool water
That numbed me to the bone
And my voice was heavy
Monotone
And the weight left dents
In my well used bed
And my well used head
And I ate next to nothing
Fore I was heavy enough

This is not a poem

I feel sad and lonely
And heavy like your body in water
Weighted down
I feel tears beneath my eyeballs
Just below the surface
I feel shitty and dirty
And nothing and everything
I feel hot and wasted
I am a waste
I am wasting
And this is not a poem
This is writing myself down
This is putting down words
This is just documentation

Gifter

You know
When someone comes along
And turns your idea of yourself
Upside down
You had better listen
You sit there and listen to their praise
You dissect every word of it
Do not shy away from questions
Act like a test is coming
You tuck away their compliments
Like gold
Take them out in the night
When no one is looking
Tell them to your mirror
Until they become like sounds
Rather than words
Then let yourself remember
Each meaning once again
Go back to the Gifter
And tell them what a blessing they are
Tell them something
They ought to know themselves